i really wonder what would have been different if my twin had lived. or if we’d switched places.

would that twin be happy? would that twin be good, smart, awesome, just a great person in general?

and what if we both lived? what if right now, i could hug him/her and just pour out everything that’s wrong, everything that i hate, everything that fucking sucks. always having that person by your side.

i’ve seen ashley and austin. they are great siblings, and they’re always there for each other. i could use some of that.

dear twin, i’m sorry that you died, and i’m sorry that i’m a stronger kid because of that. i do wonder how things would have been different if you lived, i do wonder how different my life would be, how different our lives would be, how much of an impact we could have made. 

and i do wonder what would have happened if we both died. somehow i don’t find it fair that you’re dead and i’m not. but i guess it can’t be helped since things are already like this. 

but oh well. i’m joining you in a couple of decades anyway. maybe then i can get to nkow you better.